it can only get better..

things are worse than ever at home.. couldnt be any worse if im honest, they know now about my smoking and im not glad they know because i like the way i have little secrets from them, i like the way there is always an element of risk around me, but now its gone. "he is gonna do it regardless of what you lot say so stop ganging up on him" i love my dad.. more than anyone could imagine. my mum only cares but its too much, i dont want to be pampered, i want freeedom, let me do what i want let me go where i want. you just need to step away and let me live for a while..

the next couple of days will be hard.. all the shit i have gave you and now you find out this way.. im sorry i dont mean to be like this, but just take a step back and let me live.. nothing you do will change me.. you made me this way and now you will have to put up with it embrace me for who i am!

the life im living atm is jam packed, im always busy, either im out im at college im at a party im working or im in my room watching csi or blogging.. nothing else to my life.. just this! im drifting away from my family.. its not good, but if it brings me freedom then i dont mind for a while?

i think its time i go now.. may not be back for a while dont miss me too much, csi is calling me..... see you all soon! doubt i will be able to keep myself away

my mind

heres and insight into what i do and why:
i smoke to dissapoint people around me, therfore the ones who care will still be there
im cocky to hide my insecurity about my personality, therfore barely anyones knows the real me
i like hatred because it shows either the haters jelousy against me or insecurity about there own self, therfore showinng its not only me
im generous with everything that i have because you cant do no harm with giving, therfore im helping people which is what i love
im laid back all of the time as your averaged about 80something years in life and thats too short to care about most things
i hardly sleep because 1. i find it difficult as there is too much going on in my mind,2. i feel there is no need,3. there is more important things that should be done,4 i struggle to drift off and last but not least at night/morning (1 am onwards) is the only time im alone and peaceful which helps clear my head and enables me to think straightly
i let people cause me physical pain becausei cut out pain easily as i have unbelievable amounts of selfcontrol over my mind which enables me to channel and cut out the pain being inflicted
i class myself as shy beacause my self confidence is rock bottom, always has been with strangers.
and thats all i can think of atm i hope you enjoy your insight to my strange mind..

wondeful creations

poems are a wonderful creation
they start a revalation
within my mind
most are not too kind
they hurt
alot
wish it could be you that i forgot
but its not
my minds racing
i keep on pacing
your the one im chasing
but im too far behind
why cant we go back?
take a rewind
back to the old days
when we were close?
were drifting now
i want us together
but i dont know how
its impossible
us apart is inevitable
im too young to care?
but i do
its rare

we will never be the same

we will never be the same your just to hard to tame
its not you i blame
i love the way you came
and left your many flames
no silly games
i cant work out if im still sane?
as fragile as a window pane
thats how we are
this shouldnt go to far
thats me gone

same old me

same old me
feeling sorry for myself
i know its no good for my health
but what can i do?
there is only you
only you on my mind
your one of a kind
soo hard to find
some one like you
but thats irrelevent
but you feelings are not evident
it all started within a tent
im not your average gent
but its over now
and i dont know how
but this is enough
this was rather tough
im done
this was no where near fun
should i run?
or can i cope?
we can only hope
for us both
we will see
and so will he
i think its coming to an end
now you will only be my friend
but on the road of life there are many bends
people are not hard to mend

right about now

my life right about now isnt the best it has been tbf.. although i now know who is my friend and who isnt! since college life began i have realised who i can trust and who i cant.. the closest people! but still after all that my life isnt that good.. people believe i hate my life? i want to fail? i am pissing about? your all wrong. my life isnt the best but i dont hate it, there is many more lives out there worse than mine! i have mostly what i want, mostly what i need. one thing in life i want is to succeed, i dont want to fail anyone! but i haved failed many times and many people already. im not "pissing about" im only enjoying the life i have been blessed with, making the days as fun as possible, enjoying the time i have left on this beautifully fucked up planet! live how you want to live! and i will live how i want.. keeping it real and keeping as sane as possible but at the same time being insanely fucked up in a banterful way.. i fucking love it! and you know what if you are close to me you should love it to! no way im changing at any time in my life! in times of sadness you realise alot! the good and the bad.. but thats another blog for another time! bless you all who read this!

normality

what is normality? is it being socially accepted? or following the crowd? or just generally being nothing in life? in my eyes there is no normality.. there is what you make! there is no wierd as you do what you want to do.. doesnt make you wierd, doesnt make you normal just makes you, you! normaity is bollocks! its just based on people who dont like what you do.. same with wierdness?

nearly everyday i say "cba to do anything" but i always end up blogging, does that mean anything? i do not know.. but anyway best be off..au revoiur people!